I'm Tired, So Tired

I’m Tired

I’m tired of being injured

I’m tired of being sad

I’m tired of being angry

I’m tired of being disassociated

I’m tired of being of being disappointed

I’m tired of being of being hopeful

I’m tired of having to meet my own needs

I’m tired of needing

I’m tired of not needing

I’m tired of the way things are

I’m tired that I have to do something to make it different

I’m tired that what I love doesn’t seem to love me back

I’m tired that I didn’t get all my biological developmental needs

I’m tired that I’m always seeking something

I’m tired that what I want isn’t here right now in an obvious way

I’m tired that I need to feel my feelings

I’m tired that my feelings need to be felt

I’m tired that someone says this then the next person says that

I’m tired of not knowing which way to turn

I’m tired of never getting what I really want

I’m tired of no one really getting me

I’m tired of being dismissed, interrupted, not gotten

I’m tired of having to explain myself and then be misunderstood

I’m tired of having to use so many words to try and get my message across

I’m tired of people not having time for me

I’m tired of talking

I’m tired of thinking I’m not disassociated then being informed indirectly that I’m disassociated

I’m tired of not knowing

I’m tired of wanting to know and needing to know

I’m tired of learning

I’m tired that I’m not trusted

I’m tired that my wisdom is not felt or heard by others

I’m tired that I’m invisible

I’m tired that I have to put myself out there

I’m tired that my energy is all over the place from one day to the next

I’m tired that I’m overwhelmed

I’m tired of never being right

I’m tired of being corrected

I’m tired of my inner knowing is never enough for another

I’m tired that I’m not truly heard

I’m tired that my heart has to bleed to be noticed and then it’s still not noticed

I’m tired that I’m misunderstood

I’m tired that people will form an opinion before they really sit with comprehending

I’m tired that it takes so much energy to put yourself in the world and then you still aren’t seen

I’m tired that people are too busy – for me

I’m tired that I have to reach out and yet people don’t reach out to me

I’m tired that my attachment injuries consume me completely

I’m tired that love is injured – everywhere you turn

I’m tired of wanting more

I’m tired of trying on ‘not wanting’

I’m tired of evangelism, love and light

I’m tired of people pretending to be happy

I’m tired of social standards

I’m tired of social pretence

I’m tired of therapists never really hearing my story

I’m tired of not being listened to

I’m tired of being cut off

I’m tired of the hurry, the rush, the race, the incompletion of connection

I’m tired of lack of connection with others but then having to meet your own needs anyway – so what is the point of connection

I’m tired of the confusion

I’m tired of the contradictions

I’m tired of people putting others down

I’m tired of seeing all the trolling online

I’m tired of people ‘not getting it’

I’m tired of being tired

I’m tired of never being enough

I’m tired of not being healed

I’m tired of feeling like I am incomplete as a human

I’m tired of whatever I do doesn’t ever seem to be enough

I’m tired that whatever I have done, doesn’t seem to have done any good

I’m tired that I’ve tried so many things and yet I’m still stuck in the same place

I’m tired that it’s my fault

I’m tired that I have to do all the work for the injuries I suffered at the hands of another

I’m tired that when I need another, they aren’t there

I’m tired that what I need isn’t available

I’m tired that I have needs that can’t be met

I’m tired that I have to get my needs met to heal

I’m tired of avoiding

I’m tired of seeking

I’m tired of needing others and not needing others

I’m tired of the eternal search for something outside of me only to be told it was within me all along

I’m tired that the injuries to love are so vast, deep, acute and chronic that it seems like the wounds will never fully heal

I’m tired of the internal monologue that constantly talks in my head

I’m tired of feeling awkward with others

I’m tired of no one being interested in my world

I’m tired of feeling like I have so much wisdom curated to offer and yet no one ever asks me for insight

I’m tired of depth – because it’s not useful to anyone but me

I’m tired of shallowness

I’m tired of not knowing what gives me joy

I’m tired of not knowing what would truly make me happy

I’m tired of all the questions and contemplations

I’m tired that there is always more - implying that I am not enough as I am and as I am not

I’m tired that what I have to offer will never be received by another

I’m tired that even in connection there is still aloneness

I’m tired of the social facades

I’m tired of there always being something else to discover

I’m tired that my inner knowing is not enough according to the experts

I’m tired that my truth may be incorrect

I’m tired that what I know in my heart, bones and Soul will never really be seen, heard, felt by another

I’m tired that the truth is so hard to find

I’m tired that there is so much out there it creates more confusion than clarity

I’m tired of hoping the next thing will be the thing

I’m tired of all the energy I need to invest into something for such little return

I’m tired of being tired

I’m tired that I have to do the work for what I didn’t really cause the issue for

I’m tired that ‘it’ never seems to work for me like it works for others

I’m tired that something is always wrong with me or how I see it or what I thought or what I believed

I’m tired that it’s always me that is the issue

I’m so tired that just being the way I am isn’t enough

I’m tired that just being the way I am is too much for some

I’m tired that I have to undo all that was done

I’m tired that what I hope for, love and enjoy is always coupled with disappointment

I’m tired that what I reach for doesn’t seem to reach back for me

I’m tired that it always takes more effort than the reward is worth

I’m tired that there is always so much pouring out of me and it goes nowhere to be seen

I’m tired of being told ‘‘it’s this, not that’’ leaving me feeling like I was wrong

I’m tired of feeling incomplete

I’m tired of feeling lack

I’m tired of feeling the way I feel and then being informed that it’s because of something I maybe didn’t do to cause those feelings

I’m tired of the feeling of others not being accountable

I’m tired of always having to correct myself or find other ways to articulate my message

I’m tired of others not hearing me from their heart

I’m tired that it’s my fault so I need to do the work to sort it out

I’m tired that it’s taking so long

I’m tired that what works for others doesn’t seem to work for me

I’m tired that I need help from others

I’m tired that there is so much to say but no one to listen

I’m tired that my experience is never quite validated in full

I’m tired that even the experts don’t quite get it or get me

I’m tired that there really isn’t the help I need for me

I’m tired of spending money and time on getting help and yet it really doesn’t seem to be paying off

I’m tired of seeking from others what I want and never really get

I’m tired that it’s so fucking hard to get what you want from another

I’m tired that I have to change my ways, how I say things, what I do in order to get what is rightfully mine anyway

I’m tired of having to negotiate, reframe, consider

I’m tired of never feeling like I can truly be who I am or say what I want to say and not be mistaken or the other offended

I’m tired of being wrong

I’m tired of being afraid of being wrong

I’m tired of what is correct for me is offensive or misunderstood by another

I’m tired of people being inauthentic

I’m tired of all the social standards and expectations

I’m tired of people not seeing what is really going on

I’m sick and tired of all of it

I’m tired of the fake news and doom truth

I’m tired that all this talk of energy flow is so fucking hard to master

I’m tired that what should be obvious is so mistaken

I’m tired that I ever have to explain myself

I’m tired that there is no one in the entire population that truly gets me the way I need to be gotten

I’m tired that even companionship is not enough

I’m tired of what is said about who we are is so confusing

I’m tired that my truth is still not enough for others

I’m tired that I have to deal with it all

I’m tired that it seems like a bottomless pit of despair that pours out of me and it seems to never end

I’m tired of not having friends

I’m tired of friends not sticking to me

I’m tired of others not being available to me when and how I want and need

I’m tired that true connection seems to be a myth

I’m tired that something is in my way and I can’t figure out what it is

I’m tired that it’s always my beliefs that I need to work on

I’m tired of working on myself – like everything is wrong of who I am

I’m tired that my wounding goes so deep that its almost easier to give up and stay wounded

I’m tired that my melancholy is never understood by another

I’m tired that my husband and I are so different

I’m tired that my Soul feels lonely

I’m tired that my spirit is lifeless

I’m tired that my heart is sad

I’m tired that each time I ‘get help’ I feel more injured than before I got help

I’m tired of searching for something that never seems to be there

I’m tired of missing out on my big bang event in life

I’m tired of imagining things

I’m tired of imagining what I want and then it never gets realised

I’m tired of not having the energy or effort to create what I want

I’m tired that it takes so much energy to create what I want

I’m tired that it’s just too hard

I’m tired of the deficiencies, gaps, incompletions, inconsistencies

I’m just tired of all of it

I’m tired of identifying my needs

I’m tired of being told my needs didn’t get met so meet your own needs

I’m tired of being given advice that really doesn’t match what I need at the time

I’m tired of not having a mentor

I’m tired of not having a buddy

I’m tired of all the talk from others

I’m tired of contradicting information

I’m tired of the way it is

I’m tired of all the should and the should not’s

I’m tired of hearing it

I’m tired of seeing it

I’m tired of it

I’m just tired

I’m so tired

I’m tired of the poor communication of humans

I’m tired of humans not being able to communicate purely with feeling and thoughts

I’m tired of all the extra work it takes just to be in life

I’m tired of life not saying a big YES to me

I’m tired of waiting for life to say YES to me

I’m tired of building, thinking, feeling, doing, not doing, I’m tired of all of it

I’m tired of wanting more more more

I’m tired of feeling lesser than

I’m tired of feeling like there is always something missing

I’m tired of not being enough just the way I am

I’m tired, so tired

I’m tired of thinking, I’m tired of my thoughts, I’m tired of my old beliefs, I’m tired of the space they all consume in my head

I’m tired of the overthinking, the anxiousness, the frightfulness, the resistance

I’m tired of being scared and afraid

I’m tired of criticism

I’m tired of judgements

I’m tired of boredom

I’m tired of not being fulfilled

I’m tired of it’s never enough

I’m tired of the imposition of life in our current social construct

I’m tired of direction society seems to be headed

I’m tired of others keeping their head in the sand

I’m tired of seeing what others don’t see

I’m tired of others not asking me what I think

I’m tired of others not realising how much wisdom and information I have within me

I’m tired of having to do anything at any time

I’m tired of it all

I’m tired that what I want seems so far away

I’m tired that what I want doesn’t give me the joy I thought it would

I’m tired that my body is broken

I’m tired that my mind is underdeveloped

I’m tired that my heart feels things

I’m tired that my Soul may be speaking to me but I can’t hear it

I’m tired that my body weeps

I’m tired that my tears go wasted

I’m tired that my fears are for nothing

I’m tired that my strengths will never help me in life

I’m tired that my weakness will always dominate and take over

I’m tired that what is natural is still not enough

I’m tired that there is always another way to be to be better

I’m tired that there is so much un-learning in order to know what it is to truly be human

I’m tired that the façade of a life we live in is so sterile

I’m tired of the lack of beauty and grandeur

I’m tired of complacency

I’m tired of so much advice but so little effect

I’m tired of analysing

I’m tired of overthinking

I’m tired of over feeling

I’m tired of it all, all of it

I’m tired of emptiness

I’m tired of fullness not being shared

I’m tired of wanting to offer to others but they don’t want to receive

I’m tired of the interruption to love

I’m tired of all the injuries to love

I’m tired of all the injuries to harmony

I’m tired of all the injuries to flow

I’m tired of injuries, all of them

I’m tired of being tired

I’m so tired that how I deeply feel never seems to be fully portrayed through my words or gestures

I’m so tired that I need to be dramatic for another to maybe sense how it is for me

I’m so tired that how I feel will never be felt by another

I’m so tired that I wonder why I bother writing this at all

I’m so tired that whatever I do, it doesn’t really matter to me or to another

I’m so tired of hoping that I will matter

I’m so tired that life is not kind

I’m so tired of spiritual enlightenment

I’m so tired of evangelism from others and what they believe

I’m so tired of doing it alone

I’m so tired of all this self-expression

I’m so tired of not being happy enough

I’m so tired that what I want doesn’t even make me happy

I’m so tired that I know this will be misunderstood and taken out of context and quite frankly I’m so tired I don’t even fucking care about that right now either

I’m so tired I feel like I don’t care

I’m so tired I don’t remember what it is like to care or what it feels like

I’m so tired caring feels like effort

I’m so tired, just tired

I’m so tired of having all this desire in me yet not the energy to express or fulfil my desires

I’m so tired of seeking being content

I’m so tired of holding up

I’m so tired of managing anything

I’m so tired of the constraints, rules, regulations

I’m so tired of constrictions

I’m so tired I can’t do it my way – because apparently it’s still not good enough or correct enough in the eyes of others

I’m so tired they say do what feels right but then what feels right is then incorrect according to others

I’m so tired that I have to follow any direction or rules

I’m so tired that others seem to do it their way yet my way flops and fails

I’m so tired that what feels good still doesn’t feel good enough

I’m so tired that whatever I do still doesn’t give me the fulfillment I expect

I’m so tired

I’m so very tired

I’m tired of all of it

I’m tired of it

I’m tired of trying

I’m tired of not trying

I’m tired of letting it go

I’m tired of letting it be

I’m tired of doing something about it

I’m tired of not doing something about it

I’m just tired

I’m just tired that my heart wants what my heart wants and yet when I say what I want, the other is confused or corrects me

I’m just tired that what my heart wants isn’t easy to reach for, get, have, keep

I’m just tired that what my heart wants actually doesn’t make me happy

I’m just tired that my head and my heart want different things at times

I’m just tired I don’t know what to trust anymore

I’m tired that I don’t see life as a fun adventure

I’m tired of not having fun

I’m tired that I don’t even know what fun is for me sometimes

I’m tired and I want it to be fun

I’m just tired

I’m just tired that my feelings and emotions are real yet apparently, they are incomplete

I’m tired the teachers teach how they want but they don’t teach the way I need

I’m tired that my needs aren’t met even by the ones that teach about meeting needs

I’m tired that I have to learn from others that still don’t get who I am

I’m tired that the experts don’t learn from me

I’m tired of space

I’m tired of time

I’m tired of it

I’m tired of never really finding what I’m looking for

I’m tired that I know more than what I realise – and it doesn’t even matter what I know

I’m tired that what I know isn’t shared with others

I’m tired of illusions

I’m tired of obligations

I’m tired of expectations

I’m tired of anything else that there is to be tired of

I’m tired that I’m waiting for others to notice me

I’m tired that I have these feelings within that go unnoticed and unfelt by others

I’m tired that it’s not just me that feels this way

I’m tired that others feel this way and no one will know how it is for them

I’m tired that connection is still not connection even though we are told what connection is

I’m tired of all the gaslighting

I’m tired of all the coercion

I’m tired of all the disconnection

I’m tired of the misconnection

I’m tired that all I’ve learned tells me that all I’ve ever known is wrong

I’m tired of all the lies

I’m tired of my inauthenticity

I’m tired of your inauthenticity

I’m tired of my head talking so much yet not much comes out of my mouth

I’m tired that my thoughts aren’t always my own thoughts

I’m tired of god being invisible

I’m tired of god not speaking louder

I’m tired of god not being more obvious

I’m tired of the veil over my eyes

I’m tired of the veil over my thoughts

I’m tired of being told we are pure energy yet we choose our life and to have our energy harvested

I’m tired of contracts, all of them

I’m tired of agreements, all of them

I’m tired of all of it, all that I didn’t agree to, create, design or desire

I’m tired of my energy being harvested

I’m tired of having boundaries

I’m tired of my boundaries being too strong

I’m tired of my energy leaking

I’m tired of my energy being taken

I’m tired of not being sovereign enough

I’m tired of the spam

I’m tired of the crap

I’m tired of the emotional pollution

I’m tired of the insecurities

I’m tired of the pressure

I’m tired of assumptions I make and the assumptions others have

I’m tired of goals and achievements

I’m tired of the hope that one day I’ll be big

I’m tired of wanting to be successful in my own right

I’m tired of being a nobody

I’m tired of mastering the art of not being seen

I’m tired of mastering being small

I’m tired of needing, wanting, being informed that I should be more than I am

I’m tired that I have to learn on my own because no one is learning what I’m learning

I’m tired of all of my deficiencies

I’m tired of reading about who I should be but yet I am not that way in real life

I’m tired of getting excited about something and then the disappointment thereafter

I’m tired of the emotional roller coaster of life

I’m tired of always being confused

I’m tired of others pretending

I’m tired of others not being raw about who they really are

I’m tired of being preyed upon

I’m tired of others not saying yes to me

I’m tired of not being available to say yes to others

I’m tired of not wanting to go this way or that way

I’m tired of not following the crowd

I’m tired of being different

I’m tired of not being like others

I’m tired of not fitting in

I’m tired of not knowing my place

I’m tired that maybe my place is on my own

I’m tired that I’m tired of all of this

I’m tired of not knowing where I belong

I’m tired of others not wanting to belong to me

I’m tired that I have to fix it all if I want it the way I want

I’m tired that it’s my limiting beliefs

I’m tired of pretending

I’m tired, just tired, of all of it, of feeling all of it.

I’m tired of feeling

I’m tired of not knowing which way to go

I’m tired of the ups and downs

I’m tired of those who preach yet don’t practice

I’m tired of the naysayers

I’m tired of extroverts

I’m tired of opinions

I’m tired of the trolls

I’m tired of knee jerk reactions

I’m tired of having to consider others

I’m tired of being quiet

I’m tired of not being a shining light to others

I’m tired of being wise

I’m tired of not being wise enough

I’m tired that I need to matter

I’m tired of all of it

I’m tired of it all being too much

I’m tired that it’s not easy

I’m tired that I’ve mastered what I don’t want to be a master at

I’m so tired of my wounds

I’m so tired that my wounds feel so heavy some days

I’m so tired I don’t even know what to do when I feel like this

I’m so tired of not knowing what to do when I feel like this

I’m tired that there are so many distractions creating confusion and leaving little room for clarity

I’m tired that my Soul’s whispers are so quiet I can’t hear through all the noise of my wounds, the chatter in my head and the distorted sounds of world

I’m tired, just tired, like really tired, tired of all of it

I’m so tired, there is more I’m tired of but I’m too tired to even write them all down

I’m tired of ‘’do it this way instead’’

I’m tired of the advice

I’m tired of dreams that don’t come true

I’m tired of not feeling fully alive at all times

I’m tired that I should be grateful for everything

I’m tired of all the information – it’s too much

I’m tired that others aren’t really with you when they are with you

I’m tired that I’m never the full focus for another

I’m tired of tolerating

I’m tired of not tolerating

I’m tired of myself

I’m tired of others

I’m tired of thinking

I’m tired of feeling

I’m tired of the effort

I’m tired of being tired

I’m tired that I can see what I can see but others can’t see what I see

I’m tired, my eyes are tired, my tears are tired, my heart is tired, my skin is tired, my bones are tired, I’m just tired of carrying all of this all the time

I’m tired that no one listens to me for what is missing

I’m tired that feeling like something is always missing - is my life’s path and that I’ll always feel like something is missing and take that to my grave

I’m tired of knowing things yet no one wants to know what I know

I’m tired of having answers yet no one wants to know the answers I have

I’m tired of knowing

I’m tired of not knowing

I’m just tired

My body is tired, my mind is tired, my heart is tired, my spirit is tired, my energy is tired.

I’m just tired. 

xo Kylie

11/10/2024