You are your Human Design

I loved reading and hearing about what a Manifestor type is - I felt inspiration in my body from all the messaging around this so called 'big energy' type and felt seen by such descriptions yet I still thought it was a "that's nice to hear, but it's not really how I am" - on the outside. I couldn't really see how I was this way. My life didn't seem to show any obvious results of this. 

The more I read and learned about this energy type and listened to stories from others with this energy type, I could start to see ''oh, I am this way deep down, it's just supressed, small, dormant in some ways, conditioned to hide''. This is what is known as the 'conditioned self/not-self' - when we become how society, family expect us to, told us to be and it is not aligned to how we truly are within. We all know that feeling. 

Now there is work to do to align with how I truly felt within but kept small for all this time. I sit with the contemplation of ''can the world really handle me if I truly became myself?'''. With this new found insight it also came with suggestions to honour my deep rest cycles and somewhat random in appearance creative urges. This is something I am still refining and learning to trust - day by day. 

The 1 profile line is the Investigator. The 3 profile line is the Martyr. This still didn't intuitively make any sense. I didn't think I was the investigator/researcher type nor did I consider myself anything of a martyr, I didn't really know what a martyr was. 

Then one day, I had an epiphany after learning this. Years ago when I reclaimed my sense of self determination to be in charge of my health (I wasn't unwell but I didn't ever want to become un-well), I spent all my spare time listening to podcasts, purchasing and reading books related to my path of health and way of eating and living. 

You see I research and investigate topics I'm interested in (as opposed to being forced to learn like at school), and then experiment to figure out what works for me by experiencing it first hand. See, I was the 1/3 all along. I'm (correctly) selective with what I investigate and experiment with. 

This investigator in me watched and listened to hours and hours and hours and books and books and books, joining too many social media groups and respective chat rooms to learn and engage on the topics. Doesn't everyone do this? 

The Martyr aspect of my profile is about trial and error. With my newly carved path of health and wellness, trial and error is inevitable. The what works for me, what doesn't work for me is all about trial and error. What foods, what habits, what works for my body, my schedule, what can I maintain, what my body loves, what my body rejects, what is local, what is natural, what is innate, what is necessary and not necessary etc etc. 

I've now found my sweet spot and have maintained with ease this flow with wellness and my way of living - it seems to resonate with my body and lifestyle any which way I turn. Interestingly now finding out my Human Design Digestion as 'Hot' totally aligns with my way of eating that I discovered those years ago. I need hot foods, warming ingredients, warm temperatures (I love hot summers, the sauna) - this exactly what I had already aligned with. 

This one was a bit of a hit home. I've known for some time (years in fact, of not using my voice - is a core wound). I could easily see that my throat chakra, voice, desire to speak out was quite crushed, supressed, dormant and even very wounded. I know all the reasons why and how it came to be this way and how that shows up in my life - but I didn't know that part of me was meant to be a main feature of my type - by Human Design. 

Informing is not telling everyone everything all the time. Informing - once I delved into what it means - is to inform others what I'm getting up to, initiating or creating - especially if it impacts them. I can see in my past where I haven't done this and should have - wobbles and bumps with others.  I searched a little deeper realised there were occasions where I did inform/use my voice, intuitively, and well such occasions were without any conflict or friction. 

This had me consider - maybe I do need to inform more often - it seems to carve a clear energetic path for everyone involved. I need to try this again and again and observe the results.

I could relate to this aspect. I've had times in my life where I was very emotional (irrational almost) and made decision in the high or low emotion moments and realised that wasn't a good idea in hindsight or I changed my mind when the wave was over.  I've been told I'm a 'feeler' many times by many modalities so it was no surprise to once again have it confirmed. 

Human Design however refined this for me with a much needed insight. Decisions are best made once I have gone through the emotional wave before I actually settle on a response or decision to something. Why had no one ever told me this before so clearly? 

The emotional wave is the experience of going through the highs and lows of all the feelings related to a decision to make and then when that place of settling or neutral returns, this is the time to make any significant decisions. Now that I know this, it is much easier to make any decision for me. 

For me, the invitation to 'sleep on it' works wonders and waiting for my body to settle down from the push/pull/up/down of ''what choice do I make here?''. Big decisions or choices are no longer something to avoid until the last minute. I let my body answer when it is ready. 

So I read more about this, reflected on the information. For several recent and long ago situations in the past, I could see that maybe my quick, sometimes unprovoked outbursts of anger may actually be signs of this not-self being true. Sure the majority of people could say they have expressed (and suppressed) anger at times, yet the more I read about the Manifestor anger it made sense especially to my own behaviours. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation and offers an invitation to heal any unexpressed anger to minimise unexpected outbursts. 

When I get interrupted or my focus is not respected by others and they need my attention suddenly or my direction is not heard or dismissed, it doesn't bode well. I have learned to work with this now and see that there is a reason for my burst of intense feelings of anger which once expressed in the moment, disappear just as quickly as it came - leaving the other a bit shell shocked. I can confirm this has happened more times than I recall now. 

As for peace - well this is easy - leave me to my own creative devices, investigations, personal space to self reflect, go on deep inner discoveries and this magical peace is present for everyone. Pretty simple really.  

So in usual form I investigated more, sat with all the new information, stories, insights about this and did a lot of self reflection - I had to look a bit deeper for this one. Not because I was rejecting this notion of tension but because my conditioned/wounded/people pleaser self needed to acknowledge how the essence of this tension could be true. I don't want to cause tension for myself or for others or do I?

The more I discovered of this Incarnation Cross (there are 192 crosses) and the gates that made up my cross of tension, I realised my body started to say 'yes this is you, you love this space, stop censoring yourself'. I was quite conflicted. Then I asked myself 'how would it be if I imagined myself to really be this way?' - I actually got lit up from within. 

You see I do want to ignite something in others and sometimes the words that I say without thinking, actually do that in a provocative way. In a world where consensus, expected social norms, being nice and polite has ruled for a while and people pleasing was part of our upbringing this tension created by words of truth or being direct/unfiltered is not always favoured by the majority. 

Add this to my wounded voice energy - and I've some work to do to bring power back to my voice and my message - even if it may cause discomfort for the other. Personally I think our world is atrophied and starving for honesty, authenticity, truth, depth and a good dose of meeting reality. The journey for deeper healing and emerging authenticity continues. 

The most interesting detail of this that I had an 'ah huh' moment was my Environment which is Shores. When it was explained to me what this represented - a place between two environments/two worlds, a boundary line etc. I looked into my life to explore 'proof of truths' - and I found them - in every room of my home that had been there all along. We have canvas prints, images of water, beaches, horizons. I always thought my husband and I just aspired to live by the water. That is still true. 

But it seems it was my Human Design already living through me. 

Interesting fact, my husbands environment is also Shores. The beach, by the water, open spaces with hinterland with uninterrupted views or landscapes is where we both get a sense of feeling restored. In the summer I love sitting out on our alfresco patio, a place between inside and outside.  

Sense is also another interesting aspect of design. This one was a new one to me but when I realised what it meant, a whole new level of trusting myself opened up. My Sense is that of Smell. Not necessarily in the physiological olfactory sense but in the energetic sense of 'something stinks' or 'has a bad smell to what's going on'. I can see where I haven't trusted this already inner knowing of smelling what is good or not good. 

I'm still learning to trust my sense of smell but I'm pretty sure it's a worthy compass to knowing what is correct and not correct for me.